Ruin
by MissDanielle
Summary: Garret falls for the new ME. Only one problem, she's married...Enjoy! Please read and review. COMPLETE!
1. Quite

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Crossing Jordan or any of its characters.

**Author's Note**: I started this long before the season four finale, so for the sake of this story let's forget what happened with our chief in that episode.

* * *

Garret wandered quietly to the roof of the building. 

"I thought you might be up here," he announced. His latest hire spun on her heels to face him, her long auburn hair flaring out behind her like a firework as she moved. Garret walked towards her and stopped just a few feet short of where she stood.

"Dr. Macy," she said, her teeth chattering as a cold wind threatened to push them over the ledge, "you found me." Garret nodded and found his way to roof's edge. He peered out onto his beloved city and probed his new ME when she came and stood beside him.

"So, Dr. Jackson, how's it going?" he asked.

"It's Audrey, please," she sighed, "and it's not going as well as I hoped. I've been here three days and I've already made an enemy out of almost everyone." Garret smiled and turned to her.

"No you haven't," he explained, "they're just testing you; making sure you've got what it takes to be part of our family. Give them a week our two, I'm sure they'll warm right up to you. This place will be feeling like home in no time."

"I hope so," Audrey said with a sad smile. She took a quick glance at her watch before continuing, "Speaking of home," she said, "I better get going. My husband will be wondering where I got to." Garret's eyebrows sprung up in surprise.

"You're married?" he asked.

"Quite," Audrey laughed, recognizing the surprise in his voice, "almost twenty years."

"Oh, I, uh," Garret stammered, "it's just I didn't notice your rings." Audrey reached down the front of her blouse and produced two rings on a gold chain. She pulled them away from her chest so he might get a better look.

"They tend to get in the way when I've got my hands in dead people all day long," she explained.

Garret smiled as they both turned and headed back down the stairs. When they finally reached the ninth floor, most of the lights were off and almost everyone had left for the night. Ever the gentleman, Garret offered to walk Audrey to her car. He waited at the elevator while she gathered her things. A few minutes later, as the elevator swallowed them and ferried them to the building's first floor, the pair was engulfed in an uncomfortable silence.

"What about you, Dr. Macy?" Audrey said finally. Garret fixed her with a quizzical stare.

"What about me?" he asked.

"You married?"

"Divorced," Garret admitted flatly.

"I'm sorry," Audrey said, her eyes turning to the elevator floor as its doors slid apart.

"What for?" Garret asked. Audrey thought for a moment and laughed airily through her nose.

"I'm not sure," she confessed, "isn't that what you're supposed to say when some one tells you something like that." Garret smiled at her obvious nervousness.

"I don't know," he shrugged, reaching in his pocket for his car keys. Without intending to, Audrey and Garret had parked side by side. After nodding obligatory good-nights, Garret slipped into his car and followed Audrey out of the parking lot.

x x x x x

"Audrey!" Jordan called across the conference room the following morning, "I'll trade you my 'heart attack on the bus', for your John Doe," she offered, waving a case file as the rest of their colleagues filed out of the conference room. Having overheard Jordan's proposition, Garret placed a knowing hand on Audrey's shoulder.

"Don't do it," he advised with a smile.

"Get lost Macy," Jordan playfully scolded as she approached them, "she can trade if she wants."

"They're autopsies Jordan, not baseball cards," Garret said with a look that told her to do the work assigned to her.

"She can trade if she wants," Jordan repeated, sounding very much like a six year old trading her snacks at lunchtime. With a smile still lingering on his lips Garret watched as Jordan led Audrey away and tried to convince her to make the switch. When he saw Audrey hand over her file he shook his head and made his way back to his office. Although he warned her against it, Audrey had given into Jordan's persistence the way he suspected she would. She was anxious to make friends and if making friends meant that she had to give up interesting cases for more mundane ones, then she was more than willing to do so.

But after standing with her on the roof's edge the night before and watching her from across the conference room this morning, Garret knew she could make friends without trading cases. Audrey radiated a rare kindness that Garret found himself somehow drawn to. Although he found it terribly cliché to say so, her smile could indeed light up a room. She had charmed him in her interview a few weeks earlier and although he knew shouldn't hire someone to whom he felt even the slightest attraction; she was by far the best candidate he had seen for the job. When he'd hired her that afternoon, he told himself to ignore the sparkle in her fiercely green eyes and the pang of attraction in his stomach as she shook his hand and thanked him for giving her the opportunity to work in Boston.


	2. Jealous

Garret turned his wrist and stared down at his watch with a sigh. He had promised himself he was going to be out of the office by six o'clock today. He had missed his goal by a long shot. It was nearing nine o'clock and he still had a mountain of paperwork to do. His goal that day had been to blast through it and finally get himself caught up. Instead he had been called out to a homicide scene almost as soon as he got to his office. A high profile attorney and his mistress had been killed the night before and Garret spent most of the morning at the hotel where the bodies had been found. In the afternoon, back in his office, he was interrupted by the phone every time he tried to get any work done. He was tired. He'd been tired for weeks but accepted it as part of his job. He looked down at his watch one more time and decided to call it a night. Starting with his computer he worked through his office, flipping every switch that needed to be flipped for the night. Before he could make it to the door, Jordan popped her head in from around the corner.

"Hey, a few of us are meeting at O'Malley's. Come on out with us," she invited. He moved through the door and shut it behind him with a click. When he walked past her, Jordan hooked her arm through his.

"I don't think so, Jordan," Garret replied finally, "not tonight."

"Oh c'mon," she pushed, "don't be such an old fart." Garret laughed and pushed the elevator button.

"Excuse me?" he asked, not sure if he should take offense to the 'old fart' comment.

"Just one drink," she reasoned, "you're gunna burn yourself out if you keep working as hard as you have been." The elevator dinged open and they stepped inside. Garret quickly pressed the button for the first floor and sighed. He didn't especially want a drink or a crowd tonight, but going home to empty apartment was a much less enticing option.

"One drink," he relented finally as the elevator doors slid open again.

x x x x x

Garret pulled into the parking lot of O'Malley's a few seconds after Jordan. They walked into the pub together and were greeted by Audrey and Nigel who sat hunched together in a booth in the back. After picking up a round of drinks at the bar, Garret made his way to the table where the others sat. His colleagues snatched their drinks before he had a chance to slide into his seat beside Jordan. After a quick pull on his beer, Nigel jumped right back into conversation.

"Why would you want to leave New York for Boston?" he asked as if anyone who made such a move was out of their mind. Audrey smiled politely and explained.

"My sister Casey moved out here a few years ago," she said, "she's got four kids under six and her husband drives a truck so he isn't around much." Jordan nodded and finished Audrey's idea for her.

"So you followed her to Boston to help her out," she said.

"Yeah," Audrey sighed, as if somehow the thought made her tired, "my husband just startedworking nights, so now I'm with Casey and the kids almost every night."

"No kids of your own then?" Nigel asked casually. Garret noticed Audrey's shoulder's slump just a little at the mention of children of her own. She shook her head no. She told them that children had never been high on her list of priorities, but the careful way she chose her words and the slow manner in which she spoke them convinced Garret otherwise. He could sense that there was something more to her explanation and was curious what it might be, but it was neither the time nor the place to push the issue.

"What does your husband do?" he asked instead. Audrey's smile glowed a little brighter at the mention of her husband.

"Rodger?" she asked as if there were another husband to whom Garret could be referring, "he's a police officer here in Boston," she said proudly. Garret stared down into his glass for a moment and felt something twitch in his stomach. He recognized the feeling immediately as jealously and mentally scolded himself for allowing his body to react to an emotion his head knew he shouldn't be feeling about the woman on the other side of the table.

One or two drinks later Jordan and Nigel had pulled just as much history out of Audrey as they were going to get. As he watched them chatting Garret could see that he had made the right choice in hiring Audrey. She was getting along famously with Nigel and Jordan and, given time, she would have the same effect on the rest of the staff. Garret stayed relatively quiet for most of the night, nursing his scotch and interjecting a comment when the topic moved him. He hadn't been lying when he told Jordan he was tired and by the time eleven thirty rolled around, he was more than ready to go home. He stood and slipped into his jacket, offering a ride home to anyone who needed one. When all three of the others turned him down he wished them a good night and drove to his apartment alone.


	3. Secret

"Dr. M, where do we keep the incident reports?" Nigel asked one morning a few weeks later. Garret looked up from his work to see Nigel leaning into his office, with apprehension written on his face.

"The what?" Garret asked, making sure he'd heard correctly.

"Incident reports," Nigel repeated, "you know, for when someone gets injured at work."

"I know what incident reports are, Nigel," Garret explained with a sigh as he rummaged through his drawer to find what his employee requested. "What's it for anyways? You don't look injured to me." He held the paper out for Nigel to take.

"It's not for me," Nigel said as he crossed the room and snatched the empty form. "It's for Audrey. I shut her finger in a crypt drawer. It's probably going to need stitches," he explained, a little embarrassed at what he'd done. Garret groaned quietly, imagining the headache of paperwork an injured employee would cause, even if it was only a cut finger.

"Where is she?" Garret asked, anxious to see just how injured this finger was.

"In the ladies," Nigel replied, stepping out of Garret's way as he moved out of the office.

x x x x x

Garret knocked once on the door of the women's washroom and when a muffled voice called from within, he entered. When he opened the door he found Audrey hunched over the sink holding her left index finger under the water. As he approached her and saw the red swirl of blood in the sink, he was suddenly overcome with worry for his colleague.

"You alright?" he asked. Audrey turned off the taps with her uninjured hand and quickly dried the other with a paper towel.

"Yeah," she said, holding up her finger as proof, "I'm fine." Garret took her hand and held it closer to his face so he might examine the injury more closely.

"You need stitches," he announced. Audrey raised her eyebrows and smiled patronizingly.

"I know," she said flatly as she pulled her hand away and wrapped her finger in the paper towel. Garret blushed as he remembered that he wasn't the only doctor in the room.

"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" he asked. Audrey puffed a laugh through her nose.

"No, not for stitches," she said as if he had asked her the most outlandish question in the world. "Just stitch it for me." Garret shook his head no. Sewing her finger back together would be an easy job, but if for any reason it became infected afterwards or the injury somehow became worse, he and his offices would be liable.

"No," he said simply, "c'mon, I'll take you to the hospital." He jerked his head towards the door as an invitation for her to make her way through it.

"I'm not going to the hospital, Dr. Macy," Audrey said simply, "and if you don't suture it, I'll just get Nigel to do it." She cocked her eyebrow and smiled after she laid out her plan. At the sight of her smile, something tightened in his stomach and forced Garret to relent. He groaned playfully and took her by the elbow.

"Alright, let's go," he said finally and ushered her from the room.

x x x x x

Ten minutes later they sat side by side at a low table in an autopsy room. Audrey's left hand was laid palm up on the surface between them and Garret had his needle only a few inches from his face, making sure it was ready to be used. She laughed quietly as he scrunched his face in concentration. He bowed his head and glared at her over the rim of his glasses.

"You think this is funny?" he asked in tone that let her know that he didn't. Audrey pressed her lips into a line, and shook her head no, but the twitch at the corner of her mouth as she tried not to smile convinced Garret otherwise. "I hope you realize how much paperwork goes along with this cut," he said.

"Oh don't worry about it," Audrey smiled, "don't bother with an incident report or anything. I'll be fine."

"I have to," Garret sighed, "it's my job." Audrey held up her index finger for him to see.

"This is nothing," she reasoned, "don't bother with the paper work. It'll be our little secret," she said with a wink. Garret looked at her seriously for a moment, having finished preparing the needle. He sighed and leaned sideways in his chair to snatch a chart from the end of a gurney beside them. Holding the chart in front of him he invited her to place her hand upon it. When she did, he claimed a playfully authoritarian tone and made her promise.

"Do you swear on-" he slid the chart from under her palm, quickly read the name on the top and slipped it back, "Henry Rawlins' chart that you won't sue me, the morgue, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts or anyone else for anything related to this finger?"

"I do," Audrey said as she tried helplessly to be serious, a grin cracking across her face.

"Fine," Garret smiled, setting the chart aside and getting to work. He held her soft hand in his own and carefully stitched the two sides of her cut back together. He wasn't used to sewing such a small area so he was forced to interrupt his gaze with a magnifying lamp he usually used in the trace lab. He could feel Audrey watching him and he silently wished he would watch something else instead. It made him infinitely nervous to know she was taking in his every move and he had to fight to keep his hands steady. When he had finished, he looked up at her and smiled, his stomach twisting into a familiar knot.

"Done," he announced. "Remember, I haven't sewn up anyone with a pulse for a long time. You're probably going to have a scar."

"It's alright," Audrey smiled back, bringing her finger closer to her eyes and admiring his handy work. As Garret gathered his supplies and moved to put them where they belonged, Audrey headed for the door. She hit it with her hip but stopped and turned back to Garret before it could swing all the way open.

"Thank you, Garret," she said earnestly. It was the first time she had ever called him anything other than Dr. Macy and Garret decided, in that instant, that he liked the way his first named slipped out of her mouth and secretly hoped that she would call him by it more often. He looked over his shoulder and smiled.

"It's our little secret," he reminded her with a wink. Audrey laughed quietly to herself and left.

As promised, the truth about her finger remained a secret. Nigel had filled out his version the incident report by the time Garret returned to his office. He smiled, realizing the guilt Nigel felt for inadvertently injuring his friend. Garret shredded the report as soon as he found it on his desk.


	4. Age

The following morning Garret stood at the head of the table in the conference room and distributed cases among his employees the way he did everyday.

"Bug you take Robert Harrison," he said sliding a file down the length of the table. "Nigel, Lauren Walters is waiting for you in trace. Jordan, take Albert Chow and Courtney Chase. That's it for now," he finished, collecting his papers as his staff began to file out of the room.

"Uh, Dr. Macy," Audrey said quickly, jumping up from her chair opposite him, "You didn't give me case for today," she explained as if he had somehow forgotten.

"I know," Garret said simply. He left the conference room and Audrey followed close behind him.

"Well why not?" she asked as they neared his office. Garret turned and snatched her wrist from her side and held it up to her, forcing her to look at the bandaged finger.

"This is why," he explained with a smile. "I can't very well have you doing one handed autopsies can I?" Audrey jerked her hand away and followed him into his office like he knew she would.

"What am I supposed to do all day then?" she asked with the annoyance of a child who had just been told they had to spend the day indoors. He smiled up from his desk.

"How about you get caught up on all the reports you haven't done."

"I've done them all," she protested with her hands on her hips.

Garret laughed at her act. They both knew that even though she had only worked in his morgue two months she was more than a month behind on her paperwork. Garret assumed that for most bosses in most offices in most of the world, such a statistic would be unacceptable, but in his own office it was common. His medical examiners were the some of the best he'd known and Audrey Jackson was no exception. He took their excellence in exchange for having to hassle them to do the part of their job that required them to be still, to sit at a desk and push papers the way he did.

But for Garret, everyday Audrey became more and more than just another medical examiner under his charge. Whether she knew it or not, she had become a reason for him to look forward to long days at the morgue. Although Garret tried everyday to deny his feelings, he knew she had a spark. She ignited within him feelings he didn't think he would ever feel again. He felt it now; that twist in his stomach that made it hard to breathe whenever she was around. She leaned over his desk and finally promised to do her paperwork as long as she and her injured finger could assist on autopsies the following day.

"Fine," Garret relented but insisted that anything that required two hands would be done by someone who had a fully operational pair. Audrey agreed to his terms and headed for the door. She turned back to him a few steps later and flashed him her bandage from across the room.

"How am I supposed to write with this on my finger?" she asked in a final attempt to avoid her overdue reports.

"You're right handed," Garret said without looking up. He was correct, of course. A bandage on her left index finger wouldn't affect her penmanship in the least.

"Crap," she said under her breath as she left. Garret laughed to himself. She obviously hadn't banked on him knowing her handedness but those were just the type of details Garret had picked up on in the two months since Audrey had arrived.

x x x x x

Late that afternoon Garret found himself wandering the halls of the morgue, checking up on his staff. Bug was in trace, hunched over a larvae sample from the jacket of a John Doe that had come in the day before. Nigel stood just over his shoulder, pestering him about something completely irrelevant to the case at hand. They hadn't noticed Garret enter the room and he stood in the shadows of the lab and listened to their banter for a moment with a smile. When Bug threatened to dispose of the larvae in Nigel's coffee the next morning, Garret finally intervened.

"Haven't you got work to do?" he asked Nigel, his tone suggesting that if he didn't, he'd better find some fast. Nigel smiled sheepishly and headed out of the room with a nod. Garret spent a moment more with Bug, asking how close he was to discovering just who John Doe was. When Bug promised he could have the answer by day's end, Garret continued on his tour.

He had been past Audrey's office twice and it had been empty both times. Jordan's office had been empty as well. Of course, finding their offices empty was not unusual, but today Garret sensed that there was something a miss. He stopped by Lily's office and asked if she had seen the other two women. At her suggestion, Garret headed to the closest autopsy room. When the door swung open, he found Jordan and Audrey standing across from each other with a body laid on a slab between them. Each of them held one hand over the corpse and the other behind their back. They both turned to Garret and smiled nervously when he entered.

"What are you two doing?" he asked gruffly.

"Seeing who can suture fastest with one hand," Jordan said casually, as if they did this all the time.

"Why?" Garret asked, immediately regretting the question.

"Because if we did it with two hands, Jordan would have an unfair advantage," Audrey reasoned with a smile. Garret simply stared at them, his mouth slightly agape, somehow not believing that his employees were spending his time this way. He shook his head and laughed through his nose.

"You," he said in the sternest voice he could muster, pointing at Audrey, "paperwork. And you," he continued, turning his attention to Jordan, "behave yourself." With that he turned and left Jordan and Audrey alone. When the door kissed closed he heard them erupt in laughter on the other side. He laughed to himself and kept walking, feeling more like a kindergarten teacher than a medical examiner.

A moment later he heard quick footsteps behind him and before he had a chance to turn and see who they belonged to, Audrey was beside him with her hand clamped on his shoulder.

"Dr. Macy," she asked, "do you think I could skip out early tonight?" Her hand slipped away from his shoulder to her side and Garret immediately found himself missing the warmth that radiated from her touch.

"Skip out early," he repeated, "because you've worked so well today, right?" he asked with a sarcastic smile as he turned into his office and sat behind his desk.

"C'mon," Audrey pleaded, perching herself on the corner of his desk, "it's my niece's sixth birthday. If I show up there empty handed, I'll be a dead woman," she explained. Garret nodded, remembering how his own daughter behaved on birthday's before she learned to at least pretend to be grateful for whatever gifts she received.

"Fine," he said. Audrey's eyebrows shot to her hair line. She obviously hadn't expected him to give in so easily.

"Really?" she asked.

"I had a six year old once," he smiled. "You're right; you're dead if you don't get something good." Audrey's face fell as he explained and Garret wondered what had suddenly changed.

"Had a six year old?" she repeated tentatively, "what happened to her?" Garret laughed out loud at her obvious confusion and sudden uneasiness.

"She turned seven," he said, as if it were the most logical answer in the world. Embarrassed, Audrey slapped her hand to her cheek and shook her head.

"Of course," she blushed. "How old is she now?" she asked after a moment. Garret sighed, leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head, trying to remember.

"She's coming up for nineteen," he replied finally, hoping he was right and hadn't somehow forgotten a year. It still felt strange to him that he had a daughter who was old enough to have one of her own. It made him feel old and that was the last thing he wanted to feel.


	5. Dance

Sitting around a table at O'Malley's Garret and his morgue family raised their glasses to their friend.

"Happy Birthday!" they wished their colleague in unison. From the head of the table, Nigel flashed a wide smile and thanked them. They had been in the bar for most of the evening; most of them had drunken enough to embarrass themselves and as the night wore on the table got louder and louder. Garret had intentionally sat beside Audrey but tired to convince himself that it had been a coincidence. When she wasn't leaning over the table hollering something to someone at the other end, they talked privately about nothing and everything. Although Garret was surrounded by his dearest friends, tonight the only one on his mind was Audrey. He smiled to himself when she downed the last of her drink just in time for another to be placed in front of her. She clinked her glass against Garret's and took a long pull on it. Her expression changed half way through her swallow as one song faded away on the jukebox and another started. She slammed her glass down on the table a little harder than necessary and turned to him.

"I love this song!" she yelled over the din. She leaned down the table and when Garret followed her gaze, he found Jordan jumping out of her chair and heading towards them. "Excuse me, this is our song," Audrey smiled and pushed away from the table. She and Jordan made their way to the dance floor. With smiles plastered on their faces, they sang every lyric to and danced like a couple of teenagers.

Garret quietly wondered why it was that women always found that popular song of the month and claimed it as their own. And as the song played on he wondered how his friends could stand in the middle of a room full of strangers and not care if they were making fools of themselves. He secretly wished he could be more like them. Of course, he had no desire to dance in a bar, but he had seen his own confidence fade lately. He'd always kept mostly to himself, but more and more he found himself intimidated by the things he loved. He hadn't written in ages and had given up drumming almost completely. It was almost as if he were afraid of his own creativity, afraid of what might come out of him if he fed his passions. Somewhere in the back of his mind Garret knew why he'd stopped writing and playing. Although he tried vehemently to deny it, it was because of Audrey. He knew if he wrote, he'd write about her and if he played his drums, she'd be the only thing he heard. So for months he had done neither, reminded him self that she was married and tried to repress every romantic feeling he had for Audrey Jackson.

A minute later the song Jordan and Audrey loved so much faded into a slow number and both women headed back to the table. Audrey stopped behind her chair and looked down at Garret with a crooked smile.

"Dance with me," she said, half asking, half telling.

"I don't dance," Garret said, shaking his head

"Don't or won't," she challenged with a sly arch of her eyebrow.

"Both."

"C'mon, just let your hair down for once in your life," she urged and then erupted in laughter when she realized what she'd said. Garret blushed and ran his hand self consciously over his balding head as he turned back to his drink, but Audrey wasn't giving up. She grabbed his hand and tugged him out of his chair. "C'mon," she said once more and led him onto the dance floor. Once there, she hooked her left elbow around his neck and pressed her left side into his right. Garret smiled as their hands joined in the small space between them. Audrey let the quiet exist between them for only a second before she let her talkative nature get the better of her. She blathered on about every thought that popped into her head and made jokes about the couples dancing around them. Somewhere amid her ramblings Garret stopped listening and instead lost himself in the smell of her hair and the feel of her in his arms.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Garret asked when he realized that Audrey was laughing without him. Audrey tore her hand from his and slapped him playfully.

"You weren't even listening," she said, pretending to be angry. Garret apologized again and slipped his now empty hand around her so it met his other at the small of her back. Audrey laid her palm flat on his chest and was quiet for the first time all night. Garret smiled to himself and pulled her a little closer. Her hand slid over his shoulder and with both of her arms wrapped around his neck Garret's breath caught for just a beat when her chest pressed against his. As they spun on the dance floor, the song fading to quiet in the background, the rest of the world slipped away. For a few precious moments the only thing that existed for Garret was the brush of her breath against his neck and the heat radiating from under his fingertips on the small of her back.

When the song was replaced by some popular rock song Garret didn't recognize, he reluctantly let Audrey untangle herself from his arms. When she pulled back far enough for him to see her face Garret noticed immediately something had changed. The smile she usually wore so proudly had faded and her face was painted with an emotion that Garret was surprised to see. Having only known Audrey a short time, he couldn't be sure, but she looked scared, as if something in his touch had frightened her. She took another tentative step back and when she was a safe distance away her smile reappeared. She thanked him for the dance and returned to her seat at the table.

Garret was only a few steps behind her and when he sat down beside her she dove right into conversation with Woody across the table as if she hadn't even noticed Garret's presence. Deep inside of him Garret sensed that something had been irrevocably altered during their dance. He didn't know exactly what had changed or precisely how, only that it had. He knew Audrey felt it too, but if she was at all concerned by it, she was hiding it well. After a few long minutes of sitting beside Audrey and wishing he could hold her again, Garret claimed exhaustion, wished Nigel a happy birthday and made his way home.

Later, tucked into a bed that was far too big for only one person Garret tried in vain to dispel the thoughts of Audrey that had been playing on his mind for hours. When the memory of their dance earlier that night flooded him, he was transported back in time. He could feel every contour of her body pressed against his and smell the lingering scent of her shampoo in her hair mixed with the smoke of the bar. Staring up at the ceiling, Garret could see a familiar pair of green eyes looking back at him. He blinked twice and tried to forget the way those eyes made his heart race and stomach twist in knots. He struggled to remember a woman who had ever made him feel the way Audrey Jackson did. When he couldn't, he quietly wished that she had been lying to him when she claimed to be married all those nights ago on the roof of the morgue. When the thought crossed his mind he cursed himself for being so ridiculous, rolled over onto his side an willed himself to sleep.


	6. Scar

"Dr. Jackson," Garret called as Audrey and Lily strolled past his office a few mornings later. He hadn't meant to call out to her, but it was as if for a moment his brain had no control over his mouth.

"What's up?" she asked in her usual chipper tone as she entered his office and made herself at home on his sofa. Garret looked nervously at her from his desk and tried furiously to find something to say. When he came up with nothing he moved from his chair, walked around his desk and leaned against the front to buy himself some time.

"I just wanted to say," he started finally, "that you did a really good job with the Porter case yesterday." Audrey narrowed her eyes and gave him a sideways grin as if to ask if he was feeling okay.

"The guy had a stroke, Dr. Macy," she laughed, "it really wasn't anything extraordinary."

"I know," he said quickly, trying not to sound more foolish than he already did, "I just finished with the report, it's very thorough." Audrey raised her eyebrows and nodded. All her reports were thorough and she obviously didn't need to be told. "It's j-just," Garret stuttered, "you've been here three months now, so I thought I'd bring you in and tell you that I am impressed with your work. I'm glad you came to work for us." Garret smiled nervously and stood as a subtle hint that he was through talking and Audrey could go.

"Thank-you, Garret," Audrey said as she stood too and headed towards the door, "I'm glad I came to work here too." She flashed him an earnest smile and then opened her mouth to speak. When no words came, Garret had to fish for what she was trying to say.

"Is there something else you wanted, Dr. Jackson?" Audrey shook her head no and blushed.

"Never mind," she said quietly and left the office.

x x x x x

Later that day Garret rolled a body into the crypt just as the doors to the freight elevator slid apart and Audrey and Bug wheeled out two gurneys of their own.

"What've you got?" he asked. Audrey sighed sadly but Bug beat her to the answer.

"Family of four died of carbon monoxide poisoning last night," he explained. Garret pulled back the sheet on Bug's gurney as it passed him. Garret shook his head when he saw the body. It was little boy, no more than ten years old. He looked perfectly healthy, not one scratch or bruise on his body. If they had been anywhere else but the crypt Garret might have assumed the boy was sleeping. Five feet away, the boy's little sister looked just the same. Audrey stared down at the little girl and brushed her hand over her blond curls. Garret noticed tears starting to well up in Audrey eyes. He stepped closer to her to ask if she way alright, careful not to let Bug hear, incase she was embarrassed by her show of emotion. When he spoke Audrey's attention snapped from the girl and she shook her head quickly as if to force her tears back to where they came from.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine," she said with a half-hearted smile. With that, she and Bug were quickly back in the freight elevator on their way to pick up Mom and Dad from downstairs.

x x x x x

The carbon monoxide family, who Garret now knew as the Masons, was processed through the morgue quickly. Their cause of death was apparent so no extensive tests or exams were required. Everyone connected to the case, and even some who weren't, was affected by it. After Audrey and Bug had brought the Mason's in and word circulated that an entire family had died, Garret noticed the morgue became quiet the way it always did when they were faced with such tragedies. When Audrey came into his office late that evening with the last of the Masons' reports Garret asked her again if she was okay.

"Yeah," she said quietly, sitting down in the chair across from his desk. "I've been doing this forever, but cases like this never get any easier do they?" she asked. Garret only shook his head no. He too had seen more than his fair share of tragedies and ruined lives. Audrey was precisely right. It never got any easier. Cases involving kids seemed to hit him the hardest and after working with Audrey for three months Garret could see that it was the same for her.

"Is your husband working tonight?" Garret asked, not trying to be nosy, but at the same time hating the idea of Audrey going home to an empty house after a day like today.

"Yeah," she said with a breath of laughter, "he's always working. Sometimes I wonder if he loves that job more than me."

"Impossible," Garret said without thinking. He smiled sheepishly when he saw Audrey blush at his comment. He quickly tired to change the subject. "You know I could use a drink after a day like today," he announced. "I'm just about done here. How about you join me at O'Malley's later." Audrey looked at him for a moment with a half smile, mulling over his proposition.

"Okay," she said finally with a slight nod of her head. "O'Malley's in an hour?" Garret glanced down at the papers on his desk and evaluated what still needed to be done. An hour seemed reasonable.

"O'Malley's in an hour," he agreed.

x x x x x

Two and a half hours later Garret jumped in his car and sped out of his parking space. Eleven bodies had come in just as he was about to leave to meet Audrey. Jordan and Bug had already gone home for the night and Nigel was nowhere to be found. Audrey's office was empty and Garret assumed she was already at O'Malley's waiting for him. With no help in sight, Garret had single handedly taken care of each of the intakes. Each of the bodies was tagged, charted and ready for processing the next day. As he swung out of the parking lot and onto the street in front of the building Garret reached for his cell phone. With one eye on the road and the other on the glowing screen, he tried reach Audrey on her cell. Before the call could go through the phone beeped loudly in his ear to inform him that the battery had died.

Garret cursed and threw the phone into the seat beside him. He knew he should have called Audrey when the bodies had first come in and told her was going to be late. Instead he'd gotten swept up in the commotion as more and more corpses were wheeled in. When it was finally over, he'd decided a call and an apology from the car would save him some time. He looked at the clock and cursed again. He was more than an hour and a half late. He hoped she was still waiting for him, but somehow doubted she would be. If their places had been reversed, he thought, he would have left the bar a long time ago. As soon as the idea crossed his mind, Garret smiled and changed his thinking. If anyone else had been an hour and a half late meeting him, he would have given up waiting in no time. But Audrey Jackson wasn't just anyone. If their places had been reversed he would have waited all night long.

Garret finally pulled into the back parking lot of O'Malley's Pub fifteen minutes later. As he rushed out of his car and headed for the back door he saw Audrey walking through it, her head down and her shoulders slumped. The short strap of her handbag balanced precariously from one finger and threatened to fall when she turned towards her car on the other side of the dark parking lot.

"Audrey!" Garret called. She didn't look back and Garret hoped that she wasn't ignoring him but simply hadn't heard him. He hurried around the row of cars and when he called her name again she turned to face him. When she saw him she stopped in her tracks and her familiar smile cracked across her face. Garret reached her in a few quick paces and launched into a hurried explanation, his words coming out in one long, breathless stream.

"I'm sorry," he started, "we had eleven bodies come in and I couldn't find anyone to help me. Bug was gone and Jordan had gone home and I have no idea where Nigel-"

"It's okay." Audrey laughed but Garret's explanation kept coming.

"And I was going to call you when I got in the car-"

"Garret, it's okay."

"But the battery was dead and I should have charged it last night, but I forgot and I'm sorry I'm late. You probably thought I'd forgotten-"

"Enough," Audrey said with a laugh and playfully slapped her hand over his mouth to quiet him. At her touch Garret's heart danced in his chest and as her fingers started to slip away, he caught her hand in his own. He could feel her fingers trembling now against his skin. Ever so gently he kissed the tips of her fingers. Garret was surprised when she didn't pull her hand away, but rather let her fingertips linger on the edge of him mouth. As her fingers swept slowly along his chin he was suddenly aware of the feel of her rough scar through his whiskers. He took her hand again and brushed his lips against the harsh, purple line.

Only moments ago she had been laughing at him as if he were the biggest fool she had met, but when Garret looked at her now, there was no trace of a smile. For a protracted second he had thought that perhaps he would see the fear she had shown when they had danced, but there was no fear either. When Audrey's hand finally slipped away Garret stepped closer to her and pushed a stray hair behind her ear and slowly drew her into him with his other arm. In the moment before their lips met, it seemed to Garret, as it would always seem, that there was no element of choice. It was as if every decision he had ever made was meant to lead him to this moment, to this woman. He kissed her cautiously and nervously at first, as is often the case when two people are so new to one another. But as Audrey's arms circled his body and her hands moved up and down his back, Garret couldn't help feel something familiar; as if he had known Audrey his whole life and as if he had always known the taste of her, the feel of her.

When finally he pulled away from her, Audrey let out a soft, almost confused sigh and held her hand up to her flushed cheek. They stood in the parking lot for a long moment only staring at each other, the light from a lone lamp post casting eerie shadows between them as they evaluated what had just happened and contemplated their next move. Wordlessly, Garret reached for Audrey's hand, led her away from her car and into his own.

They drove to Garret's apartment in silence; both knowing exactly where they were going and what would happen when they got there. Looking back on that night, Garret wondered what Audrey had been thinking during that car ride; if she had been thinking about her husband and how what she was about to do would affect her marriage. Garret didn't think about any of that. His only thought was that some things just were and always would be and one was hopeless to change them. What happened that night was one of those things. When the door of Garret's apartment closed behind them there was the shedding of clothes, a tangle of arms, legs and mouths and the destruction of the professional distance Garret had tried so hard to maintain.


	7. Easy

**Author's Note**: I apologize for the supreme lateness of this update. I was enormously blocked and I didn't want to write something just for the sake of updating. So I'm updating now, and I hope it was worth the wait.

* * *

The next morning, Garret was afraid to open his eyes and confront the reality of morning. He wasn't proud that he had slept with a married woman, but at the same time he didn't regret it. His only apprehension this morning was that Audrey might have regrets of her own. When at last he opened his eyes he found her sitting on the edge his bed with her back to him. She had wrapped a sheet around her middle and tied her hair into a sloppy bun, inadvertently leaving a few auburn strands to course down her back and graze the top of the sheet. As Garret's eyes followed those hairs down the perfect slope of her neck, a sparkle caught his eye. Somewhere in the night Audrey's chain had twisted on her neck and now her wedding rings were hanging next to her shoulder. Garret had assumed that such a reminder of Audrey's marriage would finally cause him to feel the guilt he thought he should, but they barely fazed him. He watched the steady rise and fall of her shoulders for a moment before he finally spoke.

"You're still here," he said quietly. Somehow he had thought that after they had finished last night, she would have guiltily hurried home to her husband the way women in the movies always did. She turned and smiled at the sound of his voice.

"My car is at O'Malley's," she explained. Garret nodded slowly, realizing she hadn't snuck away like a woman from the movies only because she had no transportation.

"You could have taken a cab," he reasoned. Audrey moved closer and leaned over him wish a coy smile.

"I didn't want to take a cab," she breathed before dropping her lips to his.

Garret took Audrey to her car and waited in O'Malley's parking lot until she drove out of sight. They had spoken briefly about what she would say to Rodger when she went home to change her clothes. She would tell him that she had spent the night at her sister's as she so often did. Garret hoped the other man would believe her. He wasn't much for keeping secrets and hated lying even more, but he realized that if he wanted to continue see Audrey in any way other than professionally, secrets and lies were necessary.

x x x x x

As usual, Garret was the first to arrive at the morgue that morning. All day he did his damnedest to keep away from Audrey because he was certain that others would pick up on the new connection he had with her. Twice today he had seen her pass his office and had to turn away quickly for fear of anyone catching him grin like a love struck school boy.

Late in the afternoon Audrey waltzed into his office and slid a file across his desk. He looked up from his work to find her smiling down at him. He looked for something in her expression that would reveal the change in their relationship, something just for him, but found nothing. Her eyes and smile were precisely the same as they had been the day before. She was far better at pretending than he was, Garret thought.

"That's my last one for today," Audrey announced indicating the file, "unless there's anything else, I'm going to get going." Garret glanced at his watch and nodded. It was nearing six o'clock and he thought it best if he got going as well.

"That's fine Dr. Jackson," he said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"G'night, Garret," she said quietly and then was gone as quickly as she had come. Garret leaned back in his chair and followed her with his eyes as she headed back to her office to collect her jacket and purse. When he couldn't see her anymore he sighed and opened the file she had brought him. Stuck to the first page of her report was yellow sticky note on which Audrey had scrawled: "_O'Malley's in an hour?_" Garret laughed to himself as he remembered the last time he had made that promise. He silently vowed not to be late this time.

Just to be on the safe side Garret arrived at O'Malley's fifteen minutes early. As he had expected Audrey was there before him, tucked into a booth in the back. What he hadn't banked on however, was that Jordan and Lily would be with her. As he approached their table the sound of their incessant chatter got louder and louder and when he slid into the empty seat beside Lily he felt as if he had interrupted some kind of girl's night out.

"Garret what are you doing here?" Jordan asked, obviously not intending to be rude, but sounding that way just the same. Garret thought for a moment before answering his friend. Audrey obviously hadn't told the others about his invitation.

"Long day," he said simply, "I thought I'd get a drink before heading home." Jordan nodded, satisfied with his answer and jumped right back into conversation as if she had never been interrupted.

Garret watched Audrey from across the table and smiled to himself as he thought about the night before. Tonight he had wanted to meet her for a quick drink and then take her to his bed, but at least for the moment that seemed out of the question. As he watched her face light up with rounds of smiles and laughter Garret replayed their night together. In the small hours of the morning he had found the tattoo on her ankle. It was perfect white daisy and when Garret had traced his finger around its every line and asked her about it, Audrey had laughed out loud and gotten a far off look in her eyes.

"On my sixteenth birthday," she sighed, "my sister Casey took me down to the tattoo parlor in our town and told me to pick whatever I wanted. Our mom would have had a heart attack if she had known, but this was just between me and Casey. I promised I wouldn't tell." Garret smiled and looked closer at the daisy. On one of the petals, written in tiny letters, was a name. Audrey had laughed again when he told her he couldn't read it without his glasses. "It says Casey," she explained. "And Casey has a daisy with my name in it on her ankle. We were just stupid kids when we got them. We didn't put much thought into the whole permanent aspect." Audrey reached down then and ran her hand across the flower. "Some times I wish it were a little smaller, but I'd never get rid of it."

"Did your mom find out?" Garret asked. Audrey smiled at the memory.

"Yeah, and she just about went through the roof. But we explained it to her. We got them because we were best friends and that was never going to change. Casey was just about to go off to college and she wanted to take me with her. So she did. Years and years later she told me that when she was homesick, all it took was seeing that daisy to know that I was there for her, even though I was thousands of miles away." When she finished her story Audrey's smile stretched clear across her face and for a moment Garret was jealous of her.

Never in his life had he been close enough to a person to commit to printing their name on his body. He'd been alone for most of his life and even when he had thought he was in close and secure relationships, something always managed to creep in and shake it apart. Before Garret's mind had the chance to wander into his past failed relationships, his attention was captured by a roar of laughter at the table. He hadn't heard what was so funny, but smiled and pretended he had. When the laughter died Audrey announced with a tired sigh that she had better get home.

Garret watched her as she made her way across the bar and out the door. When he'd found her invitation in the file, he had hoped that they could be alone, that he could talk to her without having to disguise his feelings in front of their colleagues. He wanted to go after her now and ask her to come home with him, but instead he stayed with Lily and Jordan for one more drink.

When he finally made it home an hour later, he slumped against the wall of the elevator and closed his eyes as it ferried him from the underground parking lot to the first floor. Turning the corner towards his apartment, Garret stopped dead in his tracks when he saw someone sitting on the floor beside his door. Audrey seemed to notice him at just the same time. She got up stiffly, as if she'd been waiting there for a long time. When Garret reached her, she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"What took you so long?" she asked with a smile.

"I didn't know you were going to be here, did I?" he reasoned as he fumbled blindly with his key in the door.

"Where else would I go?" Audrey whispered. The door flew open then and they stumbled through it tugging on the buttons and zippers on one another's clothes.

x x x x x

Over the next few weeks Garret and Audrey kept up their pretence of a strictly employee-employer relationship without complication. As far as Garret knew, no one in the office suspected they were anything more. Effortlessly, they had slipped into a routine. Audrey divided her nights between her sister, her husband and Garret. Garret had given her a key to his apartment so she wouldn't ever have to wait outside the door for him again.

Once she had used her key at two in the morning and Garret had woken with a start thinking some one had broken into his home. Audrey had spent the evening with Casey and her nieces and nephews but didn't feel like going home afterwards. She'd slipped into the bed beside him and Garret wrapped his arms around her, molding his front to the contours of her back. A moment before he fell back to sleep she spoke.

"Is that your daughter?" she asked. She was looking at the framed photograph of Abby on his dresser but Garret didn't have to open his eyes to know that. It was the only picture in the room.

"Yeah," he mumbled drowsily.

"She looks like you."

"She'll grow out of it," Garret joked. The room went quiet for a moment and Garret remembered what Audrey had said about having kids of her own. She'd said children had never been a priority and when she said it, Garret had felt like he was being lied to. "Why didn't you and Rodger have kids?" Rodger's name tasted bitter in his mouth and he silently wondered if it sounded that way too. Audrey sighed and rolled over to face him.

"I wanted kids," she admitted with a sigh, "but for Rodger it was never the right time. Whenever I suggested that we start a family he'd say that if he got his next promotion we'd have more money for a baby and a house. And the promotions kept coming but Rodger just kept putting off having a child. And then one day I turned around and I was forty and I decided I'd missed my chance." Audrey smiled the saddest smile Garret had ever seen. "So I just stopped pushing." She kissed him then as if to close the subject.

Garret took the hint but spent the remaining few minutes before he fell asleep thinking that Audrey would have made a good mother. He'd never seen her with children, but she was caring and gentle and had an enormous heart. For just a moment he entertained the notion that if they had met years ago Audrey might have had children and those children might have been his. But Garret dismissed the idea quickly. Just as Audrey didn't want to go back and erase the daisy from her ankle, Garret didn't want to go back and meet Audrey at age twenty. If they had met earlier perhaps he wouldn't have married Maggie and together they wouldn't have had Abby. Any rewriting his past that didn't include his daughter just didn't make sense.


	8. Curse

Garret didn't see what he and Audrey were doing as an affair, even though that's precisely what it was. To Garret, affairs were those heated, purely sexual and deceptive trysts men and women had in the movies. Of course their relationship had a sexual element. There were nights when he couldn't keep his hands off her. But there were other nights too, when they had stayed up for hours sharing their pasts and deciding their futures. It was on those nights in particular that Garret knew for certain that he had found something special in Audrey Jackson.

From the moment he'd met her he'd known she was quite unlike any other woman, but now that their relationship had moved outside professional boundaries Garret was able to define what made her so unique and so easy to fall for. Garret found her brilliantly witty. She could make him laugh in the most intimate and intense situations and could make him smile on the toughest of days. For that trait, Garret was eternally grateful. It felt good to smile again.

On top of her clever charm, Audrey had a deep philosophical side that challenged Garret everyday. Sometimes he'd find her staring into space, lost in thought and when he'd asked her what was on her mind she'd pose questions that made him evaluate his life and examine his role on the world. No one, let alone a lover, had ever made him so aware of himself and his station in life. However it was just when Garret started to ponder his place in the world in general and in Audrey's life specifically did the sparkle of their relationship begin to fade.

She was married and, try as he might, that was one fact that Garret was still struggling to get past. It bothered him enormously that when Audrey wasn't with him, she was with Rodger. It was exactly this line of thinking that initiated their first fight.

x x x x x

With a cigar in one hand and a scotch in the other Garret sat on his balcony blowing smoke rings into the dark and taking the edge off the day. It was cold, as Boston Februarys usually are, but Garret didn't mind in the least. He slouched down in his patio chair and stretched his legs out in front of him. A moment later, Audrey barreled through the apartment door and called for him when she couldn't find him anywhere inside.

"Out here," Garret hollered, hoping she could hear him through the sliding glass door behind him. Seconds later the door was open and Audrey's arms circled around his neck from behind. She planted a quick kiss on his cheek before taking the seat beside him.

"It's freezing out here," she said pulling her jacket tighter around her and folding her arms across her chest for warmth. When Garret didn't respond she turned to him and gave him an inquisitive smile. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Garret said quietly, turning his gaze back over the balcony rail. Audrey sighed and Garret could tell she thought he was lying. He was of course; he wasn't okay, but wasn't quite sure how to tell her. They sat quietly in the dark for a long time. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but the longer it lasted, the longer Garret had to over think what he wanted to say.

After a few minutes Audrey reached for Garret's cigar and broke the silence.

"I got an embarrassingly large bouquet of roses today," she said taking a puff on his cigar and blowing a plume of smoke straight up into the night. "You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

"Nope," Garret lied again, "what did the card say?"

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"No name?"

"No name," she confirmed handing the cigar back.

"Maybe you've got a secret admirer," he suggested with a coy smile. Audrey smiled too and Garret hated to see it fade a moment later.

"Rodger was supposed to take me out to dinner tonight," she said, "but one of the guys has a kid in the hospital, so Rodger volunteered to work his shift."

"That was nice of him," Garret said, not knowing what else to say. Rodger was his least favorite subject but it seemed that Audrey felt like she needed to explain why she was away from her husband on the most romantic holiday of the year.

Audrey was quiet again and after a time Garret summoned the courage to reveal what was bothering him. He stayed slouched in his chair, looking out over the sparkling skyline and asked in an even and serious tone, "If I asked you to leave him, would you do it?" Audrey turned quickly in her seat to face him. This was the first time either had mentioned the possibility of ending Audrey's marriage, although Garret had thought of little else in the past few days.

"Is that a hypothetical question or are you really asking me to leave him?"

"I don't know," he admitted

"I can't." Audrey sighed and turned her attention back onto the lights of the city.

"Why not?"

"It would kill him," she said flatly. Garret's frustration bubbled to the surface then and he finally sat up straight in his chair and with a quick twist angled it in Audrey's direction.

"Well it's killing me to know that when you're not with me, you're with him," he reasoned.

"I can't leave him Garret."

"And it doesn't matter to you that it bothers me that you're married?" Garret could hear the anger rising in his voice and willed himself to keep it at bay.

"You knew I was married when you started this," Audrey said, finally turning to face him.

"When _I_ started this?" he scoffed, "I distinctly remember there were two people involved when this started." Audrey shook her head as if Garret was being completely unreasonable.

"It's easy for you to ask me to leave," she explained, "because all you have to do is ask. You don't have to _leave_ anyone."

"You think this is easy for me?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Audrey stood and moved to go inside the apartment, but Garret still had more to say.

"How can we not talk about it?" he asked more aggressively than necessary. "It's in every conversation whether we address it or not. How long do you think I'm going to wait around playing second fiddle?"

"You're not second fiddle Garret," Audrey said quietly as if to ask him how he could ever think such a thing.

"What are you talking about? Of course I am!" Garret said, shouting now, "as long as you're married to him, I'll always be second." Despite his anger Audrey kept her composure.

"Listen," she said calmly, "I know it's hard for you, but you're not the one with a twenty year marriage at stake."

"If you really cared about your marriage you wouldn't be here at all!" Garret snapped. As soon as his words hit her Garret wished he could take them back. Her face fell and she looked as if she might cry.

"Fuck you, Garret," she said flatly. Garret had never heard her curse before but the foul word, coupled with his name was just about the angriest thing Garret had ever heard. "You don't know the first goddamn thing about my marriage," she finished, her features twisted with furious tension. Garret tired to return her gaze, not wanting to be the first to back down, but her eyes were so full of rage and hurt that he had to turn away. When he did, Audrey spun on her heels and stomped angrily through the siding door, slamming it shut behind her with such a force that Garret thought she might have torn it off its track.


	9. Understand

"Are we going to talk about this?" Audrey asked quietly the following afternoon. When she sat in the chair across from his desk, Garret jumped up and shut both of the doors to his office.

"Last night you made it perfectly clear that you don't want to talk about this," he challenged, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking back to his seat. He and Audrey had been avoiding each other all morning and he hadn't been looking forward to this inevitable confrontation.

"Well I _don't_ want to talk about it, but I think we have to," she reasoned. Garret turned is attention to his work, suddenly afraid to look at her, scared of what he might find written in her face. He decided after she left last night that he wasn't angry, just frustrated. He didn't want to pressure her into leaving her husband but, at the same time he didn't want to be 'the other man' anymore.

"Fine," he said with a sigh. Silence fell between them then and Garret picked up a file from his desk and pretended to read it while he waited for her to speak.

"Could you look at me please?" she asked, obviously annoyed. "I need you to understand this." Garret closed the folder and looked up slowly, but rather than letting her say what she needed to, he tried to avoid the train wreck he felt would come when she finally did.

"Do we have to do this here?" he asked nervously, looking around his office and noticing how many of his employees were wandering about the morgue that day.

"Yes," Audrey said firmly, "because you and I being at odds like this is driving me crazy."

"I'd really rather not do this at the office," he said lowering his voice as an invitation for her to do the same.

"Stop worrying about the office for a minute. Can you do that for me please?" Audrey sighed, suddenly frustrated with his stalling. "Just listen to me okay?"

"Fine," Garret agreed quietly, like a little boy forced to eat his vegetables. He folded his hands and rested them on his desk to show her that she had his undivided attention now.

"Fine," Audrey parroted, taking a deep breath. "Do you remember when I told you about my dad dying when I was just starting med school?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah," he nodded, silently wondering what her father had to with anything. "Heart attack, right?" he added to show her he had been listening both now and then.

"Yes," she confirmed. "Well, you see, my dad was my hero. I worshiped the ground he walked on and I just went off the deep end with the thought that he wouldn't be around anymore. After the funeral, I went back to school and I sank really, really low. I stopped eating almost completely, skipped most of my classes and attached myself to a bottle of vodka for the better part of two weeks." Audrey took another deep breath and kneaded the fingers of one hand onto the palm of the other. The memory of her father's death was obviously a hard one to swallow and Garret wished he could comfort her, but in the corner of his eye he could see Bug at his desk. He reminded himself that everyone could see him and willed himself to keep his actions professional, even if the conversation wasn't.

"Rodger and I hadn't even known each other that long, but he could see I was headed for trouble." Audrey continued, "So one night he came over and took my drink from me and poured it down the drain. I was furious. I hit him and called him the most awful names. He picked me up and threw me in the shower. When I cooled off he made me a sandwich. He sat at the kitchen table with me and made me eat every bite." Garret's jaw tightened at the mention of her husband's name. He wondered how he could dislike someone so much even though they'd never met.

"Why are you telling me all this?" he asked quickly.

"Because I want you to understand why I can't leave." Audrey's eyes were hopeful, as if she wished her story was enough, that she wouldn't have to explain anymore.

"Well, as much as I love to hear about what a knight in shining armor your husband is, I actually have work to do, so can you speed this up?" Garret was getting restless now and he cast his eyes about the office, making no attempt to hide his discomfort. Audrey sighed and continued.

"He stayed with me until I was back on my feet and then that summer, he asked me to marry him. And even though I loved him I wanted to say no." Audrey bowed her head and Garret knew then that she was ashamed of her admission. He wondered how many others knew she felt this way.

"So why did you say yes?" he asked curiously.

"My dad had been my protector for so long and after he died, I wanted that again. I needed that again and Rodger helped me when I was at my worst. I knew he loved me more than I could ever love him but I felt like I owed him for pulling me out of that hole." Audrey stopped twisting her hands together and set them politely in her lap. "He is the best husband anyone could ask for," she smiled. "He's probably the greatest man I've ever known."

"Well thank you very much," Garret scoffed. He wasn't offended, but thought pretending to be was an appropriate response. Obviously, Audrey saw through his pretense as she puffed an airy laugh through her nose.

"Trust me, if you met him you'd understand. He's never said a bad thing to anyone or done anything wrong in his whole life." Garret nodded solemnly. He hadn't realized that he had been competing with 'Mr. Perfect,' for all these months.

"He's the greatest man you've ever known," he repeated, letting the sentence hang between them for a long moment "but you don't love him," he said finally, thinking that if she did, she never would have betrayed him.

"Yes I do," Audrey corrected quickly, "but it's just not the kind of love I think I should feel for my husband. I love him like a best friend."

"So let me get this straight, here," Garret said narrowing his eyes in skepticism, "you won't leave your passionless marriage to your best friend, Saint Rodger, because by being married to him you can repay him for not letting you kill yourself twenty years ago."

"Yes," Audrey confirmed with a sharp nod.

"And that's okay with you?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest.

"Yes," she said again but this time sounding less sure of herself.

"Well, it's not okay with me," Garret admitted with quiet honesty. "You're not happy with him, Audrey. You and me are good together…No relationship" he started then faltered as his ideas trampled each other in his head, "no relationship I've ever been in has felt more right than this one."

"I know," Audrey agreed almost inaudibly, her eyes fixed on the floor.

"So?" he said, leaving the question hanging heavily in space between them.

"I can't do it, Garret," Audrey said after a time. She looked up at him and Garret could tell she was on the verge of tears. For a moment he wished she would cry, not because he wanted her to hurt, but because through the windows of his office everyone would realize that their relationship was not merely professional and they could put an end to the secrecy. She wiped at her eyes before any tears could fall and continued, "He doesn't deserve this. I can't break his heart like that after twenty years of being an ideal husband."

"But what about your heart?" Garret asked in hushed desperation. "Tell me you're not sick and tired of being unhappy; of being denied your wants because of his job."

"Garret," Audrey breathed. She obviously knew what he was alluding to and a sad slump of her shoulders stopped him before he could go any further. Instead he changed directions and asked for her help.

"What do I have to say to get you understand how good leaving him could be for you?" he asked, "for us," he added as a pleasant afterthought.

"But Rodger-"

"Forget Rodger," Garret's voice rose just a little, and remembering where he was, he took a deep breath to calm himself. "Just imagine for a moment there is no Rodger. Just me and you. No secrets. Just us." Audrey stared hard at him from across the room, apparently contemplating his suggestion. After a moment her features softened and she shook her head slowly with a sad smile as if to ask 'what are we going to do?' Before Garret could respond his office door creaked open and Emmy popped her head in.

"Sorry, Dr. Macy," she said quickly, "but I've got the governor's office on the phone for you."

"Can you tell them I'm busy, please?" he asked in as polite a tone he could muster. He hated to be interrupted on a regular day, but today, more than ever, he was anxious to get back to the matter at hand.

"I already did," Emmy insisted, "they said it's really important."

"What _I'm _doing is really important," Garret reasoned and swept his arm across the room to indicate his 'meeting' with Dr. Jackson. As he moved his arm he swiveled slightly in his chair. His breath caught in his chest when he turned to see Audrey was gone. The opposite door to his office was wide open now and down the hall he could see Audrey turning into her own office. Garret frowned and turned back to Emmy.

"Line two," she said quietly before ducking out of the room. He picked up the phone, punched the flashing button and barked his greeting into the receiver.


	10. Wasted

Audrey was already in the autopsy room when he rolled in his next case the following afternoon. She'd been scheduled to use the room over three hours ago but had yet to make an incision in the body in front of her. Last night they'd headed to O'Malley's after work. It was Rodger's night off so Audrey couldn't stay long. They'd had one drink and talked long enough afterwards to have two more. Once again, Garret tried to convince her to leave her husband, but Audrey had quickly put I stop to it.

"Garret, I need you to shut up about it for a while, okay?" she'd said with a half smile. "I need to make this decision on my own." Garret nodded in understanding and changed the subject, knowing they were both still thinking about the first. Before she left the bar, Audrey had kissed his whiskered cheek and told him that Rodger would be back at work the following night. Like a child on Christmas Eve, Garret couldn't wait to go to sleep so the next day might come faster. For a moment, things were good again.

Today, as Garret briefed his staff at the morning meeting Garret had searched Audrey's face for that familiar smile, but found it missing. As he doled out cases among his employees, he watched her from the corner of his eye and wondered silently what was wrong. He wanted to believe that she would come to him with her problems but as the day wore on and she stayed buried in her work, Garret realized that perhaps she didn't want his help with whatever was troubling her.

Now, as he saw her under the harsh light of the autopsy room, Audrey looked tired. She had put off her only scheduled autopsy for most of the day and that was quite unlike her. Garret was worried and hated to see her so obviously upset. He wondered if she was upset over something he'd done but when he'd swung into the autopsy room only moment's ago, she'd given him a genuine smile that let him know that wasn't the case.

"What's up?" he asked, hoping for the personal answer but knowing he'd get the professional one.

"I'm not in the mood to autopsy a kid today," she announced with her hands on her hips, her eyes scanning the tiny body before her.

"Are you ever in the mood to autopsy a kid?" Garret asked with his back to her. She thought for a moment a sighed.

"No," she said. "What've you got? I'll trade you." Garret handed her the chart and explained.

"I've got the bastard that hit your kid with his car," he said sadly, thinking to himself what a shame it was for two lives to be wasted as a result of one man's drunken mistake. Audrey turned from the little girl's lifeless body and stood beside Garret. When her arm brushed against his, Garret's stomach tightened and he smiled to himself. Her every touch, no matter how small or insignificant gave him such a childish thrill that he had to keep himself from laughing out loud at his own foolishness.

Audrey looked down at the details on the chart in her gloved hands. Garret noticed her face fall as she read the name. She slapped the clipboard into the center of his chest and pulled the blue sheet from the drunk driver's face. Garret caught the chart as she clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my god," she whispered, moving back slowly from the gurney. Garret only watched her curiously, not knowing why she should have this reaction to the man on the slab. Audrey's trance was broken when she backed into the table behind her. Although she physically stumbled, mentally she came to her senses and darted from the room and took off down the hall.

Still puzzled by her reaction to the man on the gurney, Garret quickly skimmed the chart. He recognized Emmy's handwriting in the space labeled _Name_. He gasped when he realized just who he was scheduled to autopsy. In bright blue letters, Emmy had written, _Rodger Jackson._ Garret dropped the chart on the end of the gurney and ran out of the autopsy room to Audrey's office.

When he got there Audrey was sitting on the floor, slumped against her filing cabinet. Lily had obviously seen her storm in and followed close behind. She offered Audrey a tissue and asked her what was wrong, but Audrey only stared blankly past her, tears brimming in her eyes and threatening to spill over. Garret quietly approached the pair.

"Lily, can you give us a second, please?" he asked, the tone of his voice telling her that he wouldn't take no for an answer. Lily nodded and left the office, the door kissing quietly shut behind her. When she had gone, Garret knelt before Audrey and tried to make sense of what had happened in the autopsy room.

"That was," he started, not sure what to say, "That was Rodger? That was your husband?" Audrey nodded slowly and finally looked him in the eyes.

"I killed him, Garret," she said, choking on every syllable as her body was suddenly racked with sobs. Instinctively Garret gathered her in his arms and pressed kisses to the side of her head to calm her.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Her sobs subsided when he spoke. She untangled herself from his arms and stood, sliding her fingers under her eyes to catch any stray tears. She paced the length of her office twice before she explained, anger and frustration building with every step. Garret stayed at his post, crouched on the floor, confusion and worry written all over his face and tearing at the pit of his stomach.

"Last night," Audrey started finally, "last night when I got home, Rodger was waiting for me." She wiped her nose with her sleeve and lapped her office a few more times before continuing. "He said he knew everything; about me and you. He said he knew from the moment it started."

"H-how-how?" Garret stammered. They had been so careful, he thought, how could he possibly know?

"I don't know." Audrey said quickly, running her fingers roughly through her hair. "He said I changed; that once we moved here I changed. But I don't know how he knew it was you." Garret only shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't deny any of it. I told him everything that had gone on between you and me. I thought that if I just came clean I could make everything okay." Garret nodded slowly when she stopped before him.

"But it wasn't okay," he said quietly.

"No," Audrey said as a few more tears fell from the corners of her eyes. "He said her was going out and that he didn't want me around when he got back." She sniffled again and wiped her eyes as she remembered what happened next. "I packed up a few things and went to my sister's house. He called me on my cell phone but I didn't answer. I couldn't talk to him. Not then anyways." She turned and walked slowly away from him, her face scrunched in contemplation. "That was at about two in the morning," she said after a time, "right after the bars close. He must have crashed the car right after he called me." Her voice trailed off and Garret knew she was running 'what if' scenarios through her head. _What if she had picked up the phone? What if she had denied their affair?_

Garret stood, remembering what the police had told him about the accident. Like Audrey assumed, it had in fact occurred shortly before three that morning. He moved across the office and reached out to comfort her. She slapped his hand away, as anger rose within her.

"Don't touch me," she snapped. She turned her back to him and was quiet for a long moment, her arms folded across her chest. "Don't you get it?" she asked finally. "We did this. We killed him, Garret." Garret's eyebrows shot upwards. He gripped her shoulder and forced her to face him.

"What?" he asked quickly. Audrey wrenched her body from his grasp and paced her office again.

"He found out what we'd done and he went down to the bar, Garret!" she yelled, her eyes brimming with tears again. "He crashed his car because of us! He _died_ because of us!" She stopped just in front of her desk and was eerily calm for a moment. "That little girl," she said quietly as she remembered who she had been about to autopsy. "Rodger killed her. _We_ killed her."

Then just as suddenly as her had anger subsided, it returned. She grabbed the flowers Garret had sent her for Valentine's Day from the edge of her desk and hurled them across the room with an unintentional grunt of exertion. Garret jumped out of the way as the vase hit the floor beside him, spraying water, glass and roses in every direction.

As if throwing the flowers had taken every ounce of energy she had, Audrey slumped to the floor. She buried her face in her hands, her body convulsing with sobs. Garret reached her in two quick strides. He sat on the floor next to her and wrapped his arms protectively around her. As he rubbed soothing circles onto her back, she burrowed into his chest and clung to him as if she were about to drown. She balled his shirt in her fists and cried until she had nothing left.


	11. Save

He offered to take her home but Audrey said she couldn't go back there now. His next suggestion was to take her to Casey's house but she turned down that idea too. Finally he'd proposed taking her his own apartment and she agreed. The drive from the morgue had been uncomfortably silent. Audrey stared, unseeing out the window and Garret tried to evaluate what she had said earlier in her office. He asked himself over and over again whether or not he and Audrey were responsible for Rodger's accident. He knew, of course, that Rodger was a grown man, capable of making his own decisions and that no one had forced him to drink and drive. Still, he felt guilt and shame that his actions had fueled the rage and pain that had ultimately taken the lives of two people.

Garret sat now on the edge of his own bed, watching the steady rise and fall of Audrey's chest as she slept. From here he could see her wedding rings resting delicately in the hollow of her throat. Garret had seen them so many times that he barely took them in anymore, but now he studied them with care. They had once been shiny and gold but now seemed dull and worn. Garret wondered if it was just his imagination or if the rings really had changed as much as everything else had.

Audrey had been sleeping for the past two hours and in that time, Garret had maintained a cycle of wandering the floors or sitting next to her. He didn't know what he should be doing. Almost instinctively he turned professional and used his experience as a medical examiner and tried to find his next step. The bodies had been identified. The notification, although unconventional, had been made. The autopsy needed to be done, but he couldn't do that from here. The only thing left was to help the decedent's love one confront her grief. At that point Garret was forced out of his comfort zone of professionalism to try and help someone he cared about deal with a tragic loss. Watching her, Garret was suddenly reminded of the last time Audrey had lost someone close to her. When her father died all she wanted was someone to make her feel safe again. Garret had no idea what she wanted now, but wished he could be the knight in shining amour that Rodger had been.

A moment later, as if she had known he was thinking about her, Audrey stirred in her sleep and her eyes fluttered open. Garret reached for her hand and squeezed it in his own. She looked up at him with sad eyes. On a regular day her eyes had shone a brilliant green but now were dark and lifeless. Garret opened his mouth to say something, anything, but before he had the chance Audrey pulled her hand out of his grasp and turned away from him.

Feeling completely useless, Garret sighed and left Audrey alone. He shut the bedroom door behind him so, if she was still awake, she wouldn't hear the call he was about to make. In the kitchen he snatched the phone out of its cradle and dialed a quick seven digits and when prompted, a four digit extension. Lily picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Lily it's me. I need a favor," Garret said, cutting right to the chase. Lily on the other hand, decided to ignore his request for the moment and inquire about her friend.

"How is she?" she asked quietly, her voice full of her trademark concern.

"I don't know," Garret admitted. She had been angry at upset at the morgue but now she was silent and expressionless. After her outburst in her office, Garret assumed the morgue was buzzing with new rumors of their relationship. Lily confirmed his belief, adding that in spite of the new gossip, everyone was worried about Audrey.

"Tell her we're all thinking of her," Lily said.

"I will," Garret promised and then got back to the point of his phone call. "Lily I need you to go into my office and get Audrey's personnel file."

"Why?" Lily asked, suddenly confused. She was the only one in the morgue, besides Garret himself, who had keys to his office. Garret knew he could trust her to use the keys only in an emergency and he trusted her now, to get the file he needed without curiously browsing any others.

"Just call me when you've got it," Garret said, his tone promising an explanation later.

"Okay," Lily agreed.

Garret waited impatiently by the phone and picked up halfway through the first ring when Lily called back five minutes later.

"I've got it," she announced.

"Who is listed as her emergency contact?" Garret asked patiently. He listened while Lily hummed and hawed over the file until she found what he was looking for. Just as Garret had expected, her husband had been listed. "Is there anyone else?" he asked tentatively.

"Umm, yeah there is actually," Lily said and Garret smiled, knowing he had found the number he needed. "Her sister Casey's contact information is all here." Lily quickly relayed Casey's phone number and Garret jotted it down on a scrap piece of paper. Before Garret could say good-bye, Lily asked the obvious question Garret didn't want to answer. "Why didn't you just ask Audrey for the number?" Garret sighed and explained.

"She's not talking, Lily. She's just sleeping. She won't even look at me. I don't know what to do," he admitted finally. "Her sister knows her better than anyone so I just thought she could help. She should know what's going on." Lily sighed on the other end of the line, prepared to go into full grief counselor mode and offer Garret advice he didn't particularly want. He stopped her before she could get a word out by telling her there was someone at the door. She accepted his lie and hung up.

Garret stared down at the phone number lying on the counter before him. He moved to punch the corresponding buttons on the phone but stopped himself after the second digit. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how much Casey knew about his and Audrey's relationship, if she knew anything at all, and he certainly didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to tell her that her brother in law had died either. For years he had told complete strangers that their family members had passed away but this time he couldn't do it. He left the number on the counter and wandered back into his bedroom.

Audrey was awake. She had been staring at the door when Garret came through it. When she saw him, she rolled on her back and fixed her gaze on the ceiling. Again, Garret took up his post beside her. He wanted to say something meaningful to pull her out of her trance but his words stuck in his throat. Instead he asked her if she wanted anything to eat. Audrey simply shook her head no and turned on her side so he couldn't see her face anymore.

x x x x x

The next morning, after a sleepless night on the sofa, Garret quietly made his way into his bedroom to check on Audrey. She had curled her knees up to her chest and clutched the covers under her chin. He crouched down beside the bed so his face was level with hers. Her nose was red and her eyes were swollen and Garret decided she'd been crying. He felt immediately relieved. Of course he wasn't happy that she was upset, but after a silent and emotionless afternoon, he took any display of emotion as a good sign. Ever so gently he swept her hair off her face and pressed a delicate kiss to her temple. Her eyes fluttered open at his touch as Garret knew they would.

"Hey," he whispered, when her eyes met his. Audrey stared hard at him for a moment before closing her eyes again, as if she believed that if she couldn't see him, he wouldn't be there.

For the rest of the morning Garret paced his apartment with his phone in one hand and Casey's phone number in the other. He felt utterly useless and kicked himself for not knowing how to help Audrey deal with Rodger's death or even get out of bed. Finally at noon, Garret steeled himself and dialed the number Lily had given him the evening before. In a few quick minutes Garret introduced himself and explained the situation to Casey. He told her about Rodger and about his relationship with her sister. Lastly, he asked for her help in brining Audrey back to reality. With a child crying somewhere in the background, Casey promised to be there as soon as she could.

A few hours later came the quick rap on the door. It was the knock of some one angry and upset, Garret thought. He opened the door and Casey walked through without invitation. Not knowing what else to do, Garret extended his hand for her to shake.

"Thanks for coming," he said as if she were a colleague arriving for an appointment at the morgue. Casey cut right to the chase.

"Where is she?" she asked. Garret pointed to his bedroom and Casey was quickly on her way. She opened the door as quietly as she could and pressed it closed behind her, leaving Garret to sit in his living room to wonder what he should do next. He made himself comfortable in his favorite armchair and a moment later, he heard muffled sobs from beyond his bedroom door as Audrey tried to explain to her sister all that had happened. Close to an hour passed before the bedroom door opened again and Casey appeared from within. Audrey was only half a step behind with her hand held tightly in her sister's. As Garret regarded the pair he thought that, under different circumstances, Audrey and Casey could pass for twins. Their hair was the same warm auburn and their bodies were almost exactly the same size and shape. However, today there was a glaring difference in the two women. On one hand, Casey exuded strength and confidence, while Audrey looked like a beaten puppy, her shoulders slumped and her hair hanging unbrushed in her eyes.

"I'm going to take her back to my place," Casey announced quietly, as if her voice could set off Audrey's tears again. Garret nodded solemnly and followed the sisters through his apartment to the door. He opened it and gripped its edge as Audrey shuffled through, her gaze never leaving the floor.

"If you need anything," Garret started, his offer aimed at Casey but intended for both of them, "just call."

"I will," Casey said, although all three of them knew she wouldn't. Garret watched for a moment as they made their way down the hall. When he'd called Casey he'd expected this to be the outcome. He turned; pushing the door closed with a click of finality and found his chair again. He sighed to himself, a sickening feeling rising in his stomach.


	12. Last

Garret went back to work the following morning as if nothing had happened. He reviewed the reports relating to Rodger's accident as if it was just another case. Both doors to his office stayed shut all day as a hint for everyone in the morgue to keep away. By lunchtime he was more the ready to go home but didn't feel up to spending the rest of the afternoon in an empty apartment. Instead he wandered into Jordan's office and was grateful to find that she was actually there. Without an invitation he sat himself down on her sofa and leaned his head against its back. Jordan barely looked up from her work. Garret had expected as much. An outsider might have thought she was angry with him, but Garret knew better. He had come to talk and she would wait as long as she had to for him to open up.

"I called her this morning," Garret said finally. Jordan moved to sit beside him now, but Garret kept his gaze fixed on the ceiling. "Her sister said she's doing better, but doesn't want to talk to me." Jordan nodded in understanding and squeezed his hand in her own. "I just want to know what's going on," he explained, desperation rising in his voice. Jordan offered what she knew. It wasn't much but it was more than Garret had been able to get out of Casey.

"Woody said that there won't be a service for Rodger here in Boston," she explained quietly. "Rumors at the precinct say that Audrey might take him home for burial." Garret nodded his thanks and finally looked his friend in the eye.

"I just want to make sure she's okay," he said softly, "I just need to talk to her."

"Why don't you just give her some space?" Jordan suggested. For the first time Garret heard the judgment and disapproval in his friend's voice. He was suddenly anxious for her to understand his relationship with Audrey.

"We weren't looking for this, you know" he said tentatively, as he tried to organize the rest of his thoughts. "For months I tried not to feel…tried not to be drawn to her…But I couldn't, Jordan. I just couldn't do it."

"But she was married, Garret," Jordan sighed. Garret pulled his hand out of Jordan's now and was suddenly furious with her for bringing up a subject he had tortured himself with for months.

"You don't think I know that?" he asked in one long breath. "You don't think that every time I saw her I knew I was ruining a marriage?"

"Then why'd you even get involved?" Jordan asked, the tone of her voice asking him why he would enter a relationship he knew would only end in heartache.

"Because I love her," Garret said finally, "because I've never known a woman who makes me feel the way she does. And when you find someone who makes it hard for you to breathe because you're so overcome by how much you love them, it's impossible to turn away…even if she is married." Garret barley choked out his last few words. He cleared his throat and tried to disguise the tears that were dangerously close to the surface. When he'd finished his speech, Jordan gave him a sad smile that told Garret that she finally understood. Unbeknownst to Jordan, that was the first time Garret had confessed his feelings about Audrey. He wished now that he had told her he loved her, and hoped that somehow she knew.

x x x x x

After a long and trying day Garret went home, poured himself three fingers of scotch and flopped into his arm chair. He let the burning comfort of his drink take his mind off Audrey for just a moment. He had tried to call her that afternoon but Casey had told him again that she didn't want to talk to him. When he'd gotten home today he called her on her cell phone but it was switched off. He took another sip from his glass and looked around his apartment. It seemed emptier today and he thought how funny it was that his apartment would mimic his own feeling.

Not being able to talk to Audrey was difficult. He ached for her and wished he could hold her and make everything better. Return everything to the way it was. With another sip of scotch Garret concluded that nothing could go back to the way it was. Audrey crumbled when she lost her husband and somewhere in the back of his mind Garret knew that his relationship with her had been irreversibly shattered as well. He hoped, however, that there might be something left to hold onto once the storm of Rodger's death had passed. Even though he'd only known Audrey a short time, he struggled to remember how he used to live without her.

With that in mind he crossed the living room to his telephone, hoping that this time his call wouldn't be intercepted by Casey. The phone rang once in his ear before a knock at the door forced him to hang up before anyone answered. The knock came again when he reached for the doorknob, but it was impatient this time. He swung the door wide and his heart jumped in his chest when he saw who was on his doorstep.

"Hey," Garret said with a surprised smile. He stepped to the side and invited Audrey through the door. She took a few tentative steps inside and scanned the room as if it was the first time she had been there. Garret wanted to reach out to her, to hug her, to kiss her and tell her how much he loved her, but her rigid and shy stance told him his touch was not welcome.

"I-I-I just wanted to see you before I left," she stammered nervously. Garret moved in front of her and without a word asked her to venture further into the apartment where they might have a proper talk. "My flight is in an hour or so," Audrey said quietly, not moving from where she stood. They only stared at each other for a long moment, their hearts screaming all the words their mouths would never utter. Finally Audrey looked away from him and reached into the pocket of her jeans. She opened her hand in the space between them. "Here," she said. In her palm, shining new like the day he had given it to her, was the key Garret's apartment. Garret stood motionless, his eyes fixed on her hand. The key had been offered, but that's not what he saw. On her index finger he saw the scar he had created when he had sutured her cut all those months ago. The night Audrey had told the story of her daisy tattoo Garret had been reminded of the scar on her finger. He had wondered silently if, in the future, she would see line and think of him, the way she thought of her sister when she saw the daisy. But now as Garret noticed the scar for the first time in weeks, he knew she wouldn't. What was once so violently purple had faded to a softer, almost pretty, pink. In time, the scar would fade completely, leaving no trace of him or their relationship.

As his eyes shifted a few fingers over, Audrey's wedding rings taunted him. She had taken them from the chain where she had always worn them and put them where they rightfully belonged. Garret's heart lurched in his chest as the rings reminded him of who he was. Although Rodger was gone, Garret was still 'the other man'. Finally acknowledging the key in Audrey's upturned palm, Garret gently pushed her hand back towards her.

"You'll need it when you get back," he said, immediately feeling like a fool. Audrey tilted her head sideways with a sad smile.

"I'm not coming back," she said, her voice cracking with emotion. Garret took a slow step away from her, his eyes finding purchase on his shoes. "I'm going to take Rodger home to New York and then stay with my mom for a while," Audrey explained, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

"And then what?" Garret asked, afraid of the answer.

"I don't know."

Audrey closed the gap between them then and took his hand from his side. She pressed the key into his palm and closed his fingers around it. Slowly she brought his fist to her mouth and kissed his knuckles. Garret watched her every move as emotion swelled within him. His mind was reeling and his heart ached with the knowledge that this was the last time he would see her.

"Audrey," he said almost inaudibly. Still holding his hand she met his gaze as a few silent tears coursed down her face. "Audrey, I don't want you to go." Audrey shook her head sadly.

"I can't stay here anymore," she choked, "not after all this." Garret steeled himself and prepared to say the only thing he could think of to make her stay.

"I lov-"

"Don't," she interrupted, quickly slapping her hand against his lips to silence him. "Don't" she whispered again. Her tears were flowing feely now, but Garret paid them no heed. Instead he clasped his hand over hers on his mouth, remembering the first time she had placed it there, all those moths ago. Their first kiss seemed like a lifetime ago. He didn't feel like the same person anymore and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew his relationship with Audrey had changed him forever. He reached around her with his free hand and pulled her close to him. She carefully lifted her face to his and as Garret captured her lips with his, he finally let out the tears that had been threatening to spill over since she had arrived. He kissed her long and hard, letting his tears mingle with hers at the corners of his mouth.

When finally they parted for a breath, they clung to each other tightly. Garret buried his face in the crook of her neck, placing a soft kiss there and trying to commit her scent to his memory. Audrey cried into his shoulder and Garret held her until her sobs subsided. She let out a shuddering sigh and pressed a kiss next to his ear.

"Good-bye, Garret," she whispered before pulling away. She backed away from him slowly and Garret followed her to the door in a sad silence. As he watched her walk down the hall he willed her to turn around, to tell her she was joking, that she wasn't leaving after all, but she never looked back. When she disappeared around the corner, Garret pressed the door closed and smiled to himself. On the floor in the space where Audrey had stood only moments before, was the key she had returned to him. It had dropped, unnoticed by either of them, as they kissed. Garret picked it up carefully and took it with him to his chair in the living room.

x x x x x

It would take days for the reality of Audrey's leaving to sink in and it would be weeks before Garret could go anywhere without her key in his pocket. Until the day she left, he hadn't realized he had nothing of hers to hold on to. He didn't have a tattoo or a scar, or even a picture. All he had was her key to his home. Although it was an unconventional memento, Garret was glad he had it. A month later when he hired Audrey's replacement, he finally took the key from his pocket and stashed it away in his bedside table. As he shut the drawer he wished for a moment, as he often did, that things had turned out differently. He wanted Audrey back so badly that at times it was all he could think about. But as he wandered back through his empty apartment, he decided that perhaps the greatest loves weren't meant to last.

x x x THE END x x x

* * *

**Author's Note**: Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed. You have no idea how much it means to me when people take a minute to review. I had so much fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed it just as much. xo xo 


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